I was never going to write about this as I am not proud and I am currently kicking me self in the head. Why did I make such bad choices. Why have i have done this to the two little people who I love with everything.
Their father (so called father) and I broke up before the twins where born. Why? Well because there was one night where he kicked me out at 6 months pregnant (I think) in which i had to get myself home at 10pm at night ( i had no car at the time) after that i was done. He is a very angry person and we had always had big issues with the fact he would call me name, lots of verbal abuse towards me and down grade me. When we met I suffered from depression, I was young, only 17 and still trying to work past my self harming and personal issues. He did little to help me, only made me worse. Not only did feel like the bottom of the earth he made me believe I was.
Once I found out I was have the twins i thought he would change. (how wrong was I). He never did and I honestly don’t believe he ever will. Over the course of the last 4 years there has been family violence towards me and the children, threats to take the children and more. Most of the time the twins have been with me and see the hurt he does to me. While it may not be physical, emotionally he has destroyed me. The emotional hurt doesn’t show, so no one cares. Not the courts, police or DHS. I have had to get an intervention order, (I was always told not too ) because the threatened to hurt not only me but the twins. Still this has not been enough for anyone to see the hurt he has done to not only me but the twins. They have told the right people about the certain issues that are down right wrong and if i think about it too much i start to cry.But this is not enough. Our systems to protect our children in Australia are flawed. I have told everyone in the family court system from day one he will hurt these children, he will and he has! But still its not enough.
I feel helpless.. I cant find anyone to help my children. They are suffering and no one cares. They all say just send them to him its up to the courts to work out what is best for them. He has threaten to take my children off me countless times but that is not enough. He has hurt them emotionally and physically but unless I can prove it 110% no one cares. They are 4 years old and are speaking up and no one is listening. I feel so alone and helpless to the point I feel like a bad mother. Our governments allow children to spend time with the other parent when they are clearly effecting them mentally and not in a good way.
If their so called father would treat them with the respect they need, and not commit family violence i would be happy for them to spend time with him but he doesn’t and he cant. Every time I have to pick up the phone i am afraid of what he is going to say, of the threats he will make. I have told everyone in a role that isso called helping my twins this but no one cares. They all think he is fine because well he is a bullshit artist. No father in there right mind who knows that their children are well cared for and looked after would ever threaten to take them away from their family, from their mother but yet he does. Does this not strike anyone as odd??
My children need help! I am trying to protect them but I get told I could be sent to jail or have them taken off me if I don’t stick by the family court orders. How can I protect them when I am being told I might get them taken away from me for trying to protect them!!
All any mother and father wants is for their children to be safe. My gut and everything I know tells me they are not safe in his care. That one day he will hurt them badly, That one day they will not come home. It might not happen now but I honestly are scared for them. Every time I have to hand them over to him I feel like this might be the time he decided to take them because he says it so often that I know one day he will.
My children need help but no one in our government and legal system will help them. Instead they are to sit by and just let it happen to them. He is allowed to commit family violence to us and no one cares. He is allowed to hurt my children and no one cares. They are to be sent to his care even tho they yell and scream that they dont want to. THEY are forced to go by out court systems. They are to be put through this every fortnight, They have to just out up with it and hope to god that their mum can find them help.
I feel so scared for them.
I am not writing this to get sympathy i honestly need help, I need someone to come forward and help us. I am so lost with all this.
WE just need help.