I’ve been thinking a lot recently. Just about basically everything in my life. And the one thing that really stands out to me and keeps me from doing the things I love and the things I want to do is JUDGMENT. Its an ugly word and I hate the fact that these days people are very judgemental. I also can be at time very judgmental, not only myself but others. It’s something that in the last few months i’ve been working really hard at. AND i’ve gotten heaps better. I now can see my being judgemental and will correct myself. It’s a hell of a lot easier to be less judgmental of others then yourself.
Then there is the other side to the word judgemental and that is worry about other judging yourself. THIS is my biggest struggle. And I think it been very noticeable. I worry about people judging me with this blog in the way I write or what I write. And this is mainly for the people I know, Family and Friends ect. I feel like i’ve I held and continue to hold myself back from writing what I actually want to say incase it hurts someone feeling or they don’t agree with what I have to say. This also goes the same for social media. I know a lot of friends and family follow me there more so then probable actually reading this blog so I’m always worried about what I put on there. I’ve had questions a couple of times as to why I would put that on or why did it have to caption ect and to be honest I’m growing completely tired of it. I have this blog as my space to write how I think and feel and that is the same with social media. IF anyone has an issue with it then please by all means unfollow me, don’t watch my snap chats or insta stories. Basically just delete me please. I tired of hiding or have to filter things or worry if I’m going to cause someone to become upset.
This is my space not anyone else and its about dame time I start treating it like that. It’s about time I start doing things for myself and not caring about what others think.
I’ve done so much work on myself so that I can get rid of the judgement in my life and to also stop worrying about what others think about me and the things I do. That is why I’m writing this post. Over the last week I really sat down and thought about where I want this blog to go to and also where I want to be able to take my social media and everything that goes along with it. I cut down most of my social media interaction just too see how I felt and also to have a think about it all.
I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m no longer going to worry about what others think or frankly have to say. This is my life and this is my PLACE of love, happiness, writing and basically anything I want it too be. I am allowed to post what ever I feel like and have my say about my thoughts and feeling and no one can take that away form me. I can post photos of anything I want, with what ever I want written under them. And if people can’t handle it or don’t like it then please don’t look or read. Unfortunately some people won’t agree with me but that is ok. It might be hard but I have a voice and I’m really tired of hiding it. I feel for years I’ve had to keep my voice quiet, to try and not upset people and keep everyone around me happy but myself. I’ve let myself down. I’ve let my spirit down. I’m also letting my children down because they see me keeping my voice quiet.
Im not saint and I’m never going to be. I’m going to write things and post thing that people don’t agree with or that might be wrong for some people. Im going to say things that people disagree with. I’m not perfect and I’m tired of having to act like I am. My god I’ve made some of the biggest mistake and I’m still getting judged for them now. They get thrown back at me and to be honest yes sometime I do take things the wrong way I’m a sensitive person but other time I know that I’m right in feeling the way I do.
This judgement of other has to stop. We just put some many expectations on each other and then when we do live up to them we feel judged not only by other but ourselves.
I can’t tell you how many time i’ve told myself I’m not good enough, I’m not strong enough ,I’m a bad mother or that I need to be quiet, I’m never going to do anything with my life, I’m lazy, I’m not sexy , I’m fat. I was always judging myself and that in part was because I felt that others thought what I thought. I felt like they were judging me the same way I was judging myself. So I’ve spent time just working on the way I view myself and the way I go about judging myself. This in turn has helped with me be judgmental of others.
This has all sort of come about after I re did some of mastering you mean girl course from Melissa Ambrosini. You should go check it out 🙂
I just think being less judgment will help in so many other ways as well. This is going to be something new for me. Im going to write what I feel and post what every I want. I’m not going to care what others think and feel about this blog or my social media. Im going to enjoy this time I have and this space I’ve created for myself.
Anyway enough rambling from me.