I haven’t blogged in so so long and so much has happened. Things have changed, a new season has arrived and I have also changed. I also feel like I am writing these type pf blog post every few months! which is funny in a way just show that I am not showing up to this space as much as I need and want to!!
So first up this space. I’ve been absent in blogging anything. Why? Basically time…. Ive felt down a lot and that means I have wasted my time doing wasteful things such as watching tv A LOT. And not focusing on the things that matter like this space. And all this goes along side by what has actually been happening in life!
The biggest life changing thing would be that my relationship has come to an end. It happened for a few reasons but the main was because he had a mother who couldn’t mind her business and he wouldn’t stand up to her. I wasn’t going to remove the boundaries I have set for myself and he wasn’t willing to compromise so I decided that the relationship was toxic and I didn’t want that in my life or the twins life. So I ended it, and I am actually ok with it. I know that is wasn’t what the universe had planned for me. It was great for the time we had together and while we both wanted it to work it just wasn’t the right fit at the end.
Which then leads me to the realisation that over the past 18months I have really let myself go in the way of doing the things I love. I was reading everyday, eating cleaner, meditating every day, healthier and more connected to myself and as soon as I ended the relationship I felt this feeling inside me that just felt right. I knew it was the right decision for me. And I have also in the past 5 day since the offical break up found myself again. Found the things that bring me joy and love. This space is my love. But i have never put much into it. Too busy focusing on other things and other people. Same goes with my vlogging and also my health biz. Nothing has ever just fit. I have never made much of an effort, I just do it on the fly, like I do with uni work. And when I really thought about it all, I realised that I was tired of it. Tired of this cycle of myself and how I view the things I love like this blog. I have done some planning and thinking. And I have decided to go for ON with this whole blogging and vlogging life. I am going to put more effort and more time into both of them.
I am stopping wasting value minutes of my time through my day.
Its difficult tho to change the way I have been for the past year but now I am just excited for the next season.
I also need to add more more more content to this blog. I have said it before I feel like I just never felt my voice and I was listening to a podcast Alex Beadon ( go check her out) and I realised that I was trying to be just like everyone else. I was trying to write like other people I followed, be like them, create vlogs and videos like them. And that is why I am failing at this. Because I am not being me! I am being or trying to be someone else. Such a simple realisation but for me it was a big one.
I am not perfect I am human. Im not going to get it right the first time. I will fail at making vlogs and no one is going to watch them for months until I get better at vlogging and better at editing, the same go for blogging. But i need to just DO and just be me.
I need to face the fear of failure and get on with it. Learnt that from the book I am reading ( Earth is hiring) such a great book.
So my goal for the last 4 months of the year or less then 4 months is create more and just be me. Make space and time for the stuff that brings me joy and just relax!!
Basically that is my life update. Simple but when I haven’t been feeling right within myself the past month and half, it transferred to this space and not wanting to do much. And I guess its been the whole year that I haven’t felt right.
So onto new things, bigger things and finding myself even more!